RA

its a nice feeling i admit..i mean it makes not much of a difference to me when i hear dat i am an RA ...its like nothing to RA is defy smthing and from a TA to an RA isnt dat drastic....but still...what the heck...i dont need to sit thru 3 hrs of undergrad labs....i dont need to answer same questions again n again...i dont need to spend hours racking my brains trying to figure out whats been scribbled....but again this has its own pros and cons...the email says...u mus be able to work fulltime in the lab...read as where is the ________ antibody dat ur trying to isolate?
all said and done...i feel really good to be an RA..even though this may not be permanent.........my my!!jus 2 letters...still....what an impact they have.....

to live once more

I wonder…
How is it that every time I fall
I still am on my feet again
Dragging myself on….
Once
Twice….
Every time I lose my balance
The wounds hurt
They are there…telling me dat its not a horrid dream
The scars keep reminding me
The pain gets deeper every time
Until it makes me numb

I fear
That I shall remain unheard
That in yearning I have begun to mourn
That hope has shown me the door to perdition
That I shall always spread out my hands in despair
Only to get disillusioned to see them empty and listless
That life is now a moribund journey

I feel
That trust is elusive
Like a mirage in the hot deserts
It deceives you and leads u into a world of desolation
That love is always beyond my reach
And shall laugh at me condescendingly
Knowing that it shall never be a part of me

I feel
Cold water on my skin sting like bees
A lump in my throat everytime I swallow
An emptiness growing all around me
That my memory is like a thorn pricking me forever
Making me bleed, cry out silently
In the darkness, in the gloominess
I don’t see any light….no end for the tunnel that I am in now

Ice cold
Tired weary and consumed
I am still groping in the dark

And yet……
I long
To be touched
By a hand so like mine
Scarred, wounded, bleeding and ugly
Yet Strong with all the endurance
To forget the burden that my feet carry
To laugh, to cry, to smile, to sing, to dance
To trust once more
To love once more
To live once more

so much for alzheimer's

I just cant make myself remember where i leave my keys.....datz something i really want to keep in my mind...but hey theres so much of useless data crammed up instead....like for instance...this girl who was 3 yrs senior at school in kalpakkam who btw is doing a phd too, came to my house when i was in class 7....and dat was when we used up the lil bit of carbon dioxide left in the sodamaker to mix the last drink ...which we gave her!!!!!i remember every girl's face at the coaching classes i attended ...in fact i could recognise most of them in some of their snaps!!!!i can vividly recollect the pride with which i recited the pledge at my school assembly in the first standard ...and this gave me a letter from the education officer for tamil nadu.....telling my parents how proud they shud be to have a daughter like me!!!and i guess it is stuck to the last page of the roget's thesaurus at home....i remember the story of the flying palenquin that i read in one of the tinkle comics on my journey to vizag in class 4.....and the way my friend returned 25 paise for the sweets i had given her for my bday....apparently bcz we had a fight n she hated me! the way i caught our chowkidar making out near the principal's office on sunday morning( ok prob datz a bit difficult to push out) the 10pm-4am sessions of olympiad math( ok this doesnt fit in exactly either)...and oh! the way pepe said ill beat u hollow at the quiz this time:) ..... the way i took sweets from both candidates contesting for the post of school pupil leader and didnt go to vote ( this was in class 2)...this takes the cake..i did not know how to say "i wanna use the bathroom" in german...this was when i was 2.5 yrs old and we were in Germany....and my mom taught me dat the first thing, the day she found out dat i had a serious problem at pre-school because of dat...and the guy "geli" who used to bully me when i was in pre-school....the snow white crown which i wore for the fancy dress contest there......the party where this horrid german guy kept asking me what i wanted n i almost suffocated thanks to the smell of raw meat every time he spoke......i think i have this excess supply of acetylcholine in my brain....something like the akshayapatram dat they talk of in hindu mythology....basically u remove stuff n it fills up again....an eternal supply of neurotransmitter......and the irony is dat im working on something related to alzheimer's disease.....ha....

sex and bacteria

Bacteria do have sex….well yeah it’s a crude and very primitive technique but still the basic idea is pretty much the same…u have one cell donating its DNA and the other receiving it..they build a bridge which is a route to transfer the genetic material….pretty much the only distinction between a male and a female organism is to find which is the donor and which is the recipient…..And well they keep traveling at 50 kmph even when they attempt conjugation…so well its an on the run task like anything else and probably that’s why there is a good chance that they miss it.
Even more interesting is the fact that different species can mate too….some form of inter caste marriages I guess! Well… there is one thing that I can say quite vehemently…they are a bloody stubborn species and very fussy too….They need a perfect environment to thrive…by this I mean the salts, sugars and other solutions must all be of accurate amounts and ratios and even the pH has to be within this range…..and oh! the temperature cannot just be too low or too high….they don’t care whether its winter or summer…seasons don’t matter to most of them when they engage themselves in such intimate exercises…..they always need this congenial atmosphere…..except a few who adapt themselves to hot springs n so on…..and so we must have these contraptions that maintain constant temperatures in our labs….Its like you give them good food ….a nice little party…and coax them to listen to you….basically you grow them in some dumb medium and they need to be stirred continuously and hence you end up using the “shaker”!!!!!For over three months I am struggling to grow them and eventually get something from them….but they seem to be choosy about who handles them as well! Now who wants this new confused and nervous nut to handle us- they say….and so they don’t co-operate…learn missy learn… Hey! don’t u dare handle us so roughly! You are so inexperienced and we will never grow in your hands.. It’s a matter of pride and dignity when we have an expert taking us through this entire journey…so until you get there we shall make it tough for you….
Oh how I wish they had balls…I would have kicked them….and as for the females…oh well…I presume that they will die soon without their faithful companions anyways….

A thing of beauty is a joy forever

A thing of beauty is a joy forever…..I can vouch for that definitely….. the inexplicable joy that u experience when u discover beauty ..in any form …something that can never be lost…its all yours ….well yes…its good to be possessive sometimes! No one can snatch this away from you………….
That moment when the 8000 feet deep grand canyon looms in front of you in subtle shades of red,yellow and brown….the sanguine sunset scene thanks to the iron that is so abundant in the canyon rocks….and the few priceless moments when you can actually hear the river Colorado gurgling down there….as if it were chagrined at the noise the stupid little homo sapiens were making after trespassing into forbidden lands….
More recently, it has been the breathtaking scenery at the foot of the Appalachian mountains in Alabama. One of the mountains itself is appropriately named “ The lookout mountain” and the view is a phantasm all along the trail….on one side there is the lake…so placid and still.On the other side, one marvel’s at the deep gorge and the water gushing and pulling along with it, anything that is in its way; with a ruthless velocity that it has acquired thanks to its kinetic energy after the cascading fall. Tranquility juxtaposed with tempestuousness.
With a burst of enthusiasm and a childish urge to break the rules, you go over the railing and get as close as you dare…..the water sprays on your face….just like the little sprinklers back home…..eyes closed and its as if ur cleansing your mind, body and soul….washing away all the dirt and muck that has covered you from head to toe and hidden you….when inhibitions are lost….u break out free at last….with tears of joy…of contentment…..rejuvinating yourself with the energy and freshness that circumscribes you….invigorating urself…all ready to face the shit and the despair once again….moments of ecstatic pleasure….rare times, when the randomness that is within you can be defined as just a delta quantity….and as always thou shall not take pity that I was alone…hell no!!! There is nothing called loneliness if you make solitude your companion.

painting

Life is
But a play of colors
a mixture of emotions and feelings
a canvas that is waiting to be painted


and


you

are the artist painting it....

take control of it.....


grab those brushes ;your mind and your heart
you have a whole range of colors to choose from
colors of joy, sorrow, fear, satisfaction,anticipation
divinity,peace,love, hatred, beauty


the more the variety of colors,
the fuller the composition

you may choose to be a da vinci with great attention to detail and paint a conventional canvas
or you may very well be a renoir and paint the impressionist way ..a painting full of sparkle and life.....ordinary ...yet extraordinary in its own way
or probably the surreal Dali....something that is not realistic....
or better still
find you own distinctive style....


its no good being afraid
to try out new styles or combinations
after all it’s a mutation that leads to evolution

something

came across a few lines dat i felt were worth mentioning:-

What the caterpillar calls the end,The world calls a butterfly

All things flourish and each returns to its root. Returning to the root is called quietude. Quietude is called returning to life

Life down there is just a strange illusion

Never doubt that Fate is keeping Future good for present ill

Hope
Pray
Win

shades of grey

Trudging along, I see myself moving farther away
Now it all seems so distant; Oh! Why have I gone astray?
All I can see ahead of me are shades of grey .....

It is a path that hasn’t been trodden upon; they say,
But I hope that it will all come right some day
All i can see ahead of me are shades of grey....