the new year wish

Its funny how people think that they can just send a one liner and be happy that they have done their job...yeah i open my mail n find dozens of these mails....well i must accept that i end up doing that sometimes.....the point is.....why do u have to pretend to do something and be half hearted about it when u might as well stay away from such a thing......then again, one would argue saying that there are somethings that have to be done even against your wishes....yeah probably...otherwise would i even dream that i would watch the cartoon beauty and the beast?ha.....but also, isnt it a well known fact that if there is no pain there is no gain...so i guess, to actually do something that u love...u end up doing something that u would prefer keeping away from urself.....there is no fun or no appreciation for the value if u succeed in achieving what u want to, without much ado....probably i must say that its the exhaustion that gives me the "high"...so mebbe its better to get disillusioned a dozen times and settle for a dozen missed calls before u actually listen to someone speak.....and it is but human tendency to take for granted the good times and amplify those which are not so.... its a bit scary that a seemingly harmless new year wish can trigger such a random train of thought.....

why am i doing this?

it was an impulsive decision...to take a break...from the mundane... from the monotony.... from 306,univ crossroads;from the "living in the dungeon" thing...as my roommate's atthai said...its a chance to meet different people...a chance to see a lot of places....yeah i agree..so i guess i have to pull myself and get things together.....cannot escape a few things...

The Sandclock

I somehow have this vision that keeps recurring in my mind….i even tried to sketch it but couldn’t bring it down on paper that well….…I am inside this sandclock.I kinda like to envisage this as something that keeps a measure of my time….and something that’s been going ever since I was born….its an event that I cannot control…inevitable…….and I am there right in the middle of the glass…with eyes that so resemble what surrounds me …I am engrossed in my endeavor to stop the sand from flowing…trying hard to push it back. Needless to say I am quite aware that it is a futile attempt…is it my weakness then, that I want to stop this? I guess that’s where the vulnerable me surfaces…everytime I used to sit on the beach I would wonder…what if that wave hadn’t kissed the sands and wetted my feet…what if it just receded back and never came rushing towards me, as it did just moments before….what if things were not what they are now…..if only my choices had been different…if only i had learnt from the past.....looking back is a terrifying experience …most often it has these unwanted by products with it….one is definitely regret…. And isn’t there something like a desired outcome? Well yeah…if only one could learn from one’s mistakes …..easier said than done huh?….and what astonishes me the most is what I see when I look back…perhaps if I had a number tag on me for the purpose of identification,that would be the only thing to remain invariant….
oh my sweet n wretched memory...thou art my friend and my foe… thou shall not do this to me…..or mebbe I must say: I shall not let you do this to me…. let bygones be bygones
Moral of the story????
AN IDLE MIND IS A DEVIL’S WORKSHOP

Hail HBO

Its an acronym that can be quite beguiling…..yeah… but I guess it has been something that one often hears out here…at least I have- in the past six months. When I first heard the letters “HBO”, I was jubilant because I was transported back to my lazy days in kalpakkam and those long hours at home, when I was a permanent fixture on the couch thanks to the Home Box Office channel…but hey! this is something that’s so much not related to the movie channel….well yeah, weird that it might sound… this actually expands to “Honey Bunches of Oats”. This is bizarre, but I was totally taken aback by the amount of importance given to these three letters by one of my neighbours….he walks into our apartment and after singing praises in the name of these cereals,exclaims that he would form a community on the orkut website; which by the way, is one of the innumerable websites designed to waste your time in such a manner wherein you are under this illusion that you aren’t doing precisely that…. and this community would be for people who adore HBO like him. At 12 in the night, he cycles about a mile or more and braves the chill mountain winds just to procure another huge king size packet of this damn cereal. The satisfaction on his face when he is done with the day’s quota of HBO consumption, is a treat to the eyes. It amazes me as to how something so inconsequential and insignificant to me actually matters so much to him. He claims that he cannot do without it even for a single day. Boy,does he worship it!!!The Taj Mahal was built by emperor Shah Jahan in memory of his beloved and I am quite certain that my neighbour would have absolutely no qualms in doing the same thing for these stupid corn flakes. Life is like that.

My creation

Its my passion…my love…my life ….my everything ….. just half an inch of camel hair stuck to a piece of wood….but with a palette of colors and a canvas added to it, im just transported into a new dimension….its a world that is so different…..something that makes me want to dance……there are no restrictions …absolutely no limitations…you just let yourself loose essentially….the best part is that you have no laws, no theorems, no proofs and no set of rules that kinda hold u back……I am afraid I cant explain the feeling really….of creating something…..of expressing what you feel through such a medium….the whole process begins with this sudden motivation to sketch or paint or doodle even…..and there is this blank piece of paper that im staring at….thinking… what the heck! what am I gonna do? Would I rather stare at a white sheet of paper? But then ..i know- my hands cannot stay away for long….and I begin my tryst with the paints and my canvas….i dabble for a long time….more often the strokes are meaningless and all people can see is a kaleidoscope of colors….or probably different shades of grey and black….i don’t really expect them to fathom that every picture tells a story. Once they actually connect to it and try to understand what it depicts, they will truly appreciate it. Probably its the mystery behind the piece of art that adds to its beauty.

A product of contemplation

Ere the birth of my life, if I wished it or no
No question was asked me--it could not be so !
If the life was the question, a thing sent to try
And to live on be YES; what can NO be ? to die.

At 1 am in the morning, I hit upon these 4 lines and suddenly I could just hear myself exclaim – I know!!!!. They say that I lead a life without restrictions and that every decision I make is out of my own free will. But isn’t this the most important choice? I would say that this is the biggest deception that we haven’t been able to see through…. Why wasn’t I asked if I wanted "the red pill or the blue pill"? The significance of making choices is lost when the all important one is just thrust upon you. When I was five years old, I remember my mother holding my hands and looking into my eyes while saying-" stay the same". I wonder if I could retort back saying- how I wish I had known that this was much more than just years getting accrued. There were times when a walk to school in the drizzle was all I needed to invigorate myself. There was a time when the star spangled sky gave me hope….hope that just like those countless stars out there….i will be able to stay and overcome anything that came my way….there were times when the chirping of birds felt like music in my ears and made me hum….wait a minute…didn’t someone say that no one can ever teach you how to be happy?…its something that you learn all by yourself…. Yeah that is what life is all about…a journey in search of the ultimate, inexplicable, infinitely complex and yet seemingly elementary sensation which we call “happiness”.