to live once more

I wonder…
How is it that every time I fall
I still am on my feet again
Dragging myself on….
Once
Twice….
Every time I lose my balance
The wounds hurt
They are there…telling me dat its not a horrid dream
The scars keep reminding me
The pain gets deeper every time
Until it makes me numb

I fear
That I shall remain unheard
That in yearning I have begun to mourn
That hope has shown me the door to perdition
That I shall always spread out my hands in despair
Only to get disillusioned to see them empty and listless
That life is now a moribund journey

I feel
That trust is elusive
Like a mirage in the hot deserts
It deceives you and leads u into a world of desolation
That love is always beyond my reach
And shall laugh at me condescendingly
Knowing that it shall never be a part of me

I feel
Cold water on my skin sting like bees
A lump in my throat everytime I swallow
An emptiness growing all around me
That my memory is like a thorn pricking me forever
Making me bleed, cry out silently
In the darkness, in the gloominess
I don’t see any light….no end for the tunnel that I am in now

Ice cold
Tired weary and consumed
I am still groping in the dark

And yet……
I long
To be touched
By a hand so like mine
Scarred, wounded, bleeding and ugly
Yet Strong with all the endurance
To forget the burden that my feet carry
To laugh, to cry, to smile, to sing, to dance
To trust once more
To love once more
To live once more